Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Can your love relationship be compared to a roller coaster ride?

Vertical LoopA roller coaster can take you on one of the most hair-rising rides, if you are a thrill seeker.  It rises like an eagle in the sky, and then suddenly you feel that belly-bottom surge as it plummets down and before you know it you are going up again.  Up and down and up and down it goes.  Oh the screams that emit from people’s lips, but is this pleasure, is it fear or is it sometimes used as an escape route from reality?

How many of you are currently facing an emotional roller coaster in your personal relationships?  As soon as you’ve gained sufficient confidence that it is growing, your love world crashes to the ground, then when you feel it is all over, he or she starts to pay you the relevant attention you crave and you keep opening your heart and allowing him back into your life.  But what can you do about this? How does it affects your daily life and is it beneficial to your emotional well-being and should you stay in this type of relationship?

Your personal relationships should uplift you.  It should complement your life.  Yes, you will go through rough spots, which you can deal with and face if the love is strong enough, but sometimes, instead of facing the truth and realizing that it is not going anywhere, you continue to build your emotions on a house of sand.  Your mate maybe just a fun seeker, he may be a  player, he is not ready for commitment to a real relationship or anything else, yet you cling to him knowing that he will just take you on an emotional high and drop you  like hot bread all over again.

This type of relationship can cause stress, because you are going from one extreme to the next and usually he is very good at giving the false impression that he really cares and somewhere deep within, by his actions you know he does not care about you, yet you refuse to face it.  You wait for his call like a dog salivating for food.   You look and thirst for that special email, but it never came.  Then after a long while when it pleases him, he or she comes back in your life like a boat drifting to shore and there you go again the same as before.

Your work is often affected, because it can be a nagging pain on your thought process.  It weighs down on you like a rock, robs you of your appetite or you end up eating more for comfort in your lonely confusion and before you know it your self confidence and self respect are totally eroded.  But how can you deal with this?

You need to evaluate and love who you are. Accept and give yourself credit for your achievements and think of the good points about you that your friends and acquaintances always compliment you about.  Take a good look in the mirror – head to toe, clothe or undressed and ask yourself, “Do you deserve this disrespect?”  Tell yourself you deserve a real man or woman and a stable, caring relationship, because you are worth it.  Are you just afraid to be lonely?   Do you believe life without a mate, no matter the time and energy he is prepared to give, is hopeless?   If you constantly feel like you are involved in a tug-of-war game most of the time, you are wasting your time.  People treat you the way you allow them.  You have to set high standard for yourself as an individual.  You do not have to settle for less than you think you truly deserve.  You cannot make your mate the person you wish he were.   People seldom change. 

Is this relationship beneficial and does it have a real future?  You usually know the answer to this if you are truthful enough.  One of the greatest stabilizing forces in a relationship is security.  Is your mate there for you in time of need or do you have to turn to your friends or families?  If the answer is ‘no’ then you do not have a relationship.  A mate who is just present for sex is using you for his own sexual satisfaction.  This emotional high that you experience may only be a false high or just an illusion in your mind and you certainly can do without it.  You usually can if you try hard enough and oh the relief, if you can only face the cruel truth.

Where does your real passion lie?  What is your talent, what makes you happy and fulfilled?  You need to sit and examine your life’s path.  Your mate is not a catalyst for your future, you are.  Find time to do other things, volunteer, visit friends, read good books, exercise, go to seminars and learn new things, find a new hobby, join a book club, help less fortunate kids or adults, give of yourself in some way.  Then your life will begin to have true meaning and you will be able to define your purpose on this earth.  Therefore, if your relationship is not working, you can say “Goodbye” and have the strength to move on gracefully.

Lastly, you need to communicate your feeling to your so-call mate and mean every word you say.  If it is your style to use ultimatums, use them, but recognize when it is useless.  You cannot go on like this.  Someone has to take a stand.  You have to know when to hold on and when to call it quits.  That is sometimes the hardest thing to do, because it hurts so much, but time will heal the pain and you usually end up stronger, wiser and a better rounded individual.  Life is too short for needless stress.  Roller coasters are for entertainment; your heart is too precious to be trampled on.  Move on while you still possess your dignity!

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